happy belated valentine's day - even my mom had fun

Supernatural Fans

Can anyone tell me what Season it is Charlie first appears in? She is awesome, but I've only ever seen random bits of her on Tumblr. :( Please help me out! :D

I am so irritated with Financial Aid at my college. I have filled out the same form 3 times now because they cannot seem to remember me already signing it for them. I may never get to register at this rate. :/ That said - I really am trying to be more Positive Minded. :) LOL!

In English if you Please

First - sorry I've been so preoccupied with my tumblr account. I love my twitter & facebook obsessively. I'm only writing today because I actually have the time to spare. This morning was a Breakfast for the Mosaic (Student Art & Literary Magazine of KCC). Anyone whose submissions were chosen got invited. So, even though it was scheduled for 8:30 in the morning, I decided to go. I didn't eat much - there wasn't much of a selection - but I did enjoy my orange juice and potatoes. Even to me, that combination sounds disgusting. Keep in mind, I eat slow so by the time I move from one food to another - the taste has left my mouth. I showed up, not because I cared or anything (terrible, I know) but, yes, because a friend of the family was going and I hadn't seen her in FOR-EVER! It was nice to see her again - she's one of those Celestial types to look at her... not in a weird way, more like an angel, really. Also, I voluntarily read my poem which was chosen ALOUD to everyone... very creepy. Guess I'm not as jumpy when I'm tired. LOL. Now, on to the original subject choice for this entry, my English class. In English we have one final paper to write. It can be on anything. It can be informative or argumentative. However, it has to be 8 to 10 pages long... I can't think of anything to actually write on. My brain needs a jump start. Also, in my Communications class we have to do a Speech on our Career Choice - here's the problem... If I *had* a career choice picked out, I wouldn't still be in college. I've changed my major twice for a reason. As it is - I'm totally clueless on where or how to go forward from there. I could lie or whatever - but I really am still in the I DON'T KNOW stage of figuring out my messed up life. I don't present until May 8th but I need to have it finished by May 6th so I can get credit for it. (Mental - I'm well aware.) So - any ideas are welcome. It would seem only my Spanish class seems to be going well, lately. Maybe my Math class, too, but I'm not sure that's still true as I don't know what I got on my test on Monday. (I find out tomorrow, thankfully.) Wish me all the luck in the world - please... well, all the GOOD LUCK. I need positivity right now. Thanks, Vail.

PTSD and other Devils

I hate how little it takes to set me off. I've worked for years on being able to control my emotions - with little success. The closest I ever get to control is bottling them up or hiding away from my triggers... neither is anything but a quick fix and a surefire way to wind up back at step 1. Between being BiPolar, depressed, and suffering from Anxiety and PTSD I'm not sure I'll ever be able to function properly in society - and that really sucks. Nothing ever really works. I just want to be happy, but lets face it - that will never happen. How it is possible for them to be so close & not know I'm having a meltdown in the next room makes no sense to me. It just doesn't make SENSE! What the FUCK kind of society, place, HELL is this that people can be so obtuse?! What the HELL type of place is it where people can treat others like something they stepped in and Get Away With It?! I just want to scream at the top of my lungs until it's all okay - but I can't. Not even into a pillow, which used to be therapeutic for me in the past. Not here, anyways. He's a bastard. And to hell with being nice about it. I can't breathe, I'm fighting off a damned anxiety attack, and I've been crying for 34 minutes and counting! So why bother anymore? Nothing I do really matters anyway. No one really gives a damn. No one here, that is. I swear if it weren't for Scythe & Robot I'd be in full panic mode right now. I love those two. Screw mom's rules, next tattoos I'm getting is gonna be (aside from my cover up) my guardian reaper with Scythe's name on it like I planned. And I'll figure out something for Robot. I'm trying so hard to get out of this funk - but it still hurts to breathe... 37 minutes, but I've finally stopped crying. Even if this is the most trouble I've ever had Blogging my feelings... Fuck It All, Al.