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Thursday, December 22, 2011

Today *is* the Definition of Rapid Cycling

---1:18 A.M.
I yearn for the days when I could sink into oblivion.
To be alone for a while in my dark room would be a comfort.
I used to be able to write about anything for hours on end that way.
Now I can't remember how I was able to be so brilliant.
It's as though I've faded into this shadow of who I used to be.
I feel I'm spiraling towards a head-on collision.
There are people around everywhere, yet they don't see me.
The crash will happen and go unnoticed.
What few readers I have, if there is even more than one in the first place,
are probably wondering how I can be so public with these thoughts.
Is it really public if the writing is in invisible ink?
---1:25 A.M.

---5:50 A.M.
I've decided I'm in love with Prozac Nation... I still haven't read the book, but the movie was fantastic.
Thus, I want to read the book. A lot. I tried to write again, like I used to.
I wound up staring at a blinking line - what is that even called? - where the stupid story is supposed to begin.
So I created several videos and caught up on slicing the videos from JULY that had been waiting for my attention.
I should be posting those today, at least. Not until after I've checked my grades.
It just seems smarter that way. I found a vid from the play - The Skin of Our Teeth - that I found amusing.
So that's going to be posted on youtube as well. :)
I'll no doubt be posting several links on Facebook just so that they're out there for everyone.
I'm exhausted but I'm only just now getting sleepy.
If I fall asleep then I'll never wake up in time to leave for the bus. Ugh.
Hell, in theory I could leave now, but I'm unsure of when the library opens.
I tried distracting myself by dying my hair but... I've finished and everything but I'm still dozing.
Aunt Carole is supposed to be visiting tomorrow so that'll be fun.
Mom's birthday is next Friday. She's upset she has no way/$$ to go to the Pioneer in Union City.
I mean, her birthday finally lands on a Friday and she can't go out for Karaoke and alcohol?
*sigh* I feel bad for her. I have a dollar to my name right now & it's going towards bus fare.
I owe 13$ in overdue fees to the library. College made life busy so it was difficult to remember everything all the time.
I hope Liz did okay on the exam. It really wasn't half as bad as I thought it would be.
Hell, I loved the class so much that el profe made the list of people I've decided to dedicate my books to.
Yeah, I know, warped. In my opinion, it's a high honor, damn it! *smileyface*
Gah. I'm going turbo warped in my mind right now.
Is it so hard to have people visit every once in a while?!
If not for me, then for mom? Because all this insanity is liable to drive me to Death by Spontaneous Combustion.
Love you all!
---6:03 A.M.

---12:57 P.M.
fell asleep around 6:30 and woke up at 11:30.
I'm getting all my shit together to go up and post all of this, but I'm not sure why.
anyways, bro opened some of his presents today because it's Solstice.
Wouldn't you figure I already broke one of them? *sigh* mom says she can fix it at least...
---12:59 P.M.

---3:13 P.M.
I love my mom but sometimes I think she should be in an institution.
She's all over the place emotionally today and yet it's awful if I snap in frustration. I get it - I took my meds and she hadn't - but that isn't an excuse for her to treat me like I'm something less than human. *sigh*
But she just doesn't get it and that's fine. It's always fine. Everything will be fine. On the upside, she has taken her meds now that she got them refilled. And we saw Robert & Monica today. We'll probably swing by their place on the way home, too.
Another upside, I got 2 As, 1 A-, and 1 B for this semester. Who could argue with that?
---3:16 P.M.
~Raindancer~

12 - 20 - 2011

9:45 P.M.
Yesterday was the last day of this semester. I don't know how I'll stand another semester, but I will.
I finished my Spanish Final in time to see my brother's Choir Concert. He was adorable.
I spent today with my grandmother and my uncle in addition to mom and dad.
We had lunch, went grocery shopping, had mini-adventures... Etcetera.
I wore a dress today, if that can be believed.
I'm trying to keep my Spanish skills in tact - what few there are - but it's difficult when there's no one to practice with.
I love my mom, but she's out of practice.
I wonder if it will be easier or not when bro starts his Spanish classes next semester?
Probably not... Mom's going to be 49 in 10 days. I've set aside the last day on my cell phone for it so everyone can call her.
Aren't I sweet? The correct answer is, "HELL YES!" in case you were wondering.
I'm going to watch Beauty & the Beast (the 80s tv show) so I'll be back later.

~Raindancer~
9:51 P.M.

Friday, December 2, 2011

What the WHOA?! (today)

So I did the Personality Assessment for mom. Still have to do the write up. I also need to do a Rorschach and T.A.T. and their write ups, plus I need to come up with a "history" for the Intake Evaluation we'll be doing in class... and that's all for one class. plus I have a 10 page essay to write on Bipolar Disorder and a 10 page essay which is due on tuesday over my geneology and whatnot. plus a page on this one thing. and i need to review my spanish knowledge and work on MSLs so that i don't fail spanish. i mean. hello... how is YOUR december going?
~Raindancer~

11 21 2011

This weekend was definitely not a productive one.
I am going to get my second hamburger...
Then I'm going to figure out what questions to ask Mom and then do the assignment.
1 out of 4 isn't too bad I suppose... Yeah, right...

8:20 P.M.
Raindancer