5:13 A.M.
I should be sleeping so I can be rested for class, but I'm not.
I can't get into that state of mind for sleep.
It turns out, as Fate would have it, that the FUCKED UP gov't is screwing me over.
My financial aid is being revoked and, as if that wasn't enough, they are putting me on Academic Suspension so I will not be able to get more F.A. for a year (or is it 2?).
This puts a giant wrench in my plans to attend Western this Fall as it makes it completely impossible to afford.
I feel like curling up in a ball and crying.
As it is, my plans are to attend today's classes.
Then I'm going to track down a Student Advisor to straighten this nonsense out.
If it turns out that isn't possible - which is likely considering how this month is going - I will then drop all my classes and try to pay the fine for it.
Telling my mother all this was *not* a picnic as I have a cumulative GPA of 3.60 out of 4.00 - which makes this even more bogus.
You know, my first tattoo was inspired by my love of music. My thirst for it.
It may not always pull me back from that edge - but it never lets me jump *off* that edge, either.
I'm not so sure I can continue on this way.
The only real reason I decided to go to college was because I lack the self-confidence to go for what I really want.
I've had the same dream since I was 4 years old... but then, that's why they're dreams...
If they were possible in any way, one wouldn't need to be asleep to experience them.
My writer's block is still in full swing on my stories, but my lyrics are coming along just fine.
I can't help my poetic nature. Even if everything has been said & done before.
~Raindancer~
5:22 A.M.
P/s. Look up "Black Guitar" by Leni Stern for a good listening experience if you need a better grasp of my mood.
Follow that up with "Tell Me Where it Hurts" & "I'm Only Happy When it Rains" by Garbage and "What's Going On" by The Veronicas. End it with "Numb" by Circus Asylum.
