Since The Beginning:

Friday, April 20, 2012

4 15 2012

8:45 P.M. "He ruined my life." - I still can't believe I said that to her this morning. My friend Monica & I were up til about 1 or 2 A.M. talking. I was more than a tad tipsy - but not quite smashed. I wound up remembering the bastard's name - something I thought I had repressed into a forgotten piece of time... but no, it was still there in my head. Still is, unfortunately... Luckily, no one else was awake for this conversation or else I'd be seriously regretting it this morning. And she was so tired she probably doesn't even remember the statement. Still... she asked me what happened and I just went to the video I had made. Hmm. Can't help but laugh a little at her response. She didn't say "I'm sorry" or "That's awful" or anything most people would say. Instead she said, "You uploaded it a year ago and this is the first view? Wow..." You can't get much better than that. Perfect response really. I've considered making a 2nd one since then, one with more detail to see if it would help me any towards feeling better... but she made a point with that statement. Even if it wasn't her intention. Why bother? Alcohol + Secrets = Big Bad Uh Oh Ness... Just saying... 9:00 P.M. ------------------------ April 15th, 2012 Everyone believes I'm so damned tough. What a fucking joke. I've been Acting tough since I was in 4th grade for Heaven's sake! And it isn't because I'm such a Fabulously Talented actress that everyone buys it, either. Nope. It's because people are so Fucking Stupid! They are self-absorbed and completely apathetic to those around them. I can't act. I really can't. So clearly the world - at least my corner of it - is filled with first rate Morons. I just get so angry some times and I know I can't say a damned thing because of this stupid Pedestal people have put me on. It's ridiculous. I'm so tired of living up to it. I truly am... 10:14 P.M. ~Raindancer~