Technically I was thinking about all this yesterday, but why bother with semantics/specifics?
Everyone thinks I'm this big, tough girl with high standards incapable of compromise.
Truth is I am as small inside as I am big outside. My impossible standards are just my need for happiness being compensated for with my fear of rejection.
Which, conveniently, is masked as a fear of commitment.
I had a lot of trouble controlling my emotions as a kid. Senior year I became super "mellow."
I was mellow for so long no one actually noticed the change from that to now.
I'm still trying to pinpoint when Mellow transcended to Apathy.
When Apathy transcended to Repress/Suppression...
R/Spression into Anxiety.
Anxiety into Hopelessness...
Though, looking back, it really skipped the R/Spressions and anxiety...
after all, those 3 have always been there.
People still tell me I'm mellow.... further proving they are clueless to the corners of Language and Emotion.
When I was younger I was so Certain... yes, Certain with a capital C.
I knew what I wanted, why I wanted it, and that I would get it...
Now... I've become the total opposite of that brilliant, wise, emotionally honest soul I used to be...
and it sucks big time... like a vaccuum or a black hole....
I miss you fellow members of the Black Hole Society...
~Raindancer~
1:54 A.M.
