I don’t really know how
to begin. Or where to begin. Everyone says to start at the beginning – but what
if you’re unsure as to when that even was?
Is the beginning when I
first saw him in my mythology class? Is it when I first started flirting with
him in science? Was it when I accidentally set him up with my best friend? Was it
when they broke up 4 years later? Was it several years after that when we
started fooling around? Was the start when I found out I was pregnant? When he
proposed? When we moved in together? Was it when I gave birth? Was it when we
got married? When I first realized he was emotionally unstable and verbally
abusive? Was it when he started breaking things and I was too scared to leave? Was
it when he started cutting me out of his decisions even though they affected
all of us? Was it when he cheated on me? Was it when SHE hit my child – and myself
– only for him to take her side? Was it when he cheated on me with HER? Was it
when he left me for her because I had stopped screwing him for a mere four
days? Maybe it was when I found out that worthless whore had made me miscarry. Maybe
it was every time he threatened me afterwards. Maybe it was when he tried to
apologize but never stated specifically what he was sorry about because he “couldn’t
remember” anything that had happened. Maybe it was when after said apologies he
still tried to accuse me of being manipulative. Maybe it was when he continued to
try and make everything about him instead of our boys. I don’t know. There are
too many maybes to ever be certain.
