Is it safe to Rant?

My best friend is in pain & there is basically nothing I can do to help her. I'm feel useless. I know listening can help - but I know also that I could do more if I were there. *sigh* I won't explain the situation - because it is her private business - but I will say this: Girl, you will always be my best friend. I will always be there for you. Don't ever doubt that for a second. You can get through this - you're the strongest person I know... All my love, Havoc...

Happy Late Halloween

Just thought I'd share with you, my patient readers, a few Halloween pictures... Of cousre, my makeup was taken off first - like an idiot! Still, I think you'll enjoy them... I was a vampire, not that you can tell without the red on my face. :P Hope you all had a great Thanksgiving if you're from the U.S. If you aren't, hope you had a wonderful day anyway! Happy Monday!

"Sorry" - For All of It!

I'm so sorry if "sorry" is something which goes without saying my life. I'm so sorry that I am "sorry" every damn day over one thing or another and, thus, saying the words don't mean anything to me anymore. They're just words. No matter what people say, apologies don't mean anything in the end if the people making the apologies are unappreciated and/or misunderstood. I'm so sorry I am incapable of doing anything right. That any time I try do something nice, it blows up in my face. I'm sorry if I am incapable of understanding body language & verbal tones. I'm sorry I refuse to cry in front of people who make me feel bad, simply because it isn't any of their business if I go beyond the "acceptable" level of such emotions. I'm so damn sorry there is no way of making myself relateable (sp?) or understandable. I'm sorry I seem unapproachable. I'm sorry I "make" you say what it is you want to hear from me. I'm so damned sorry my life is inconsequential to yours & everyone else in this god-forsaken world. I'm sorry I'm too stupid to ignore everybody's unforgivable cruelty. And I am so damned sorry I will never be forgiven for my mental instability which ruins me mentally, emotioonally, and physically Every Single Fucking Day! Tell me, have I made myself clear? ...Or are you all still trying to read between the lines?

Daddy...

Just spent an hour in a chair, alone, holding an old photo of me and my dad. I was only 7 in it, but I looked genuinely happy... I wanted so much to cry, but of course I can't tell that to anyone in my family because they're all convinced I hated him just because our dynamic was... screwed up I guess is the best term... Then I put it up, had a dizzy spell, knocked over a chair covered in stuff, and just about started crying then... but what's the point? It never makes any difference to me... I can't remember the last time I was really, truly happy... How messed up is that? If I could remember the rant I'd had going in my head during that hour, I'd share it... but I'm not sure it would really help one place my frame of mind...

OMG SO SORRY!

I cannot believe I've neglected my blog for so long! My sister got me hooked on tumblr and ever since I've been completely Click-Happy about the whole thing.
I can't believe I haven't blogged here since before I left MI...

I left MI and went through Chicago, Omaha, Denver, Salt Lake City, Reno, Sacramento, Oakland, and Eureka before arriving... It was a long bus trip. I only wish I had the money to turn around and head home.
I love my sister, but I don't enjoy it here. For several reasons. Most of which involve ALL of my damned friends being BACK IN MICHIGAN thus draining me of a reason to live.

I've been listening to P!nk an awful lot lately. And Halestorm. Icon For Hire. Not that those are at all newsworthy events. *Sigh.*

Love you all,
Kat