June 8th, 2012 part one

12:57 A.M. I had a revelation. I've been trying for nearly 3 hours to go to sleep, so naturally my mind is everywhere. Only 3 things in life have ever made me genuinely happy... and not necessarily in the following order: 1. My Friends 2. My Pets (LaCretia = Dog - currently) 3. My Music... Everything else is just pointless glitter and dust added for effect. I have been trying so hard to be the Good Student, Miss Level Headed... Which is just stupid because I was NEVER meant to be the 9-5 type in life! Comparing the results of hard work to my Three Things is like the following: comparing the dirt to sunshine. comparing trees to the moon. comparing a shower to lemonade. Touching and Feeling aren't the same thing. Even if one is used to define the other, it isn't necessarily vice versa. If I wasn't so hard-headed I would do the smart thing and drop out of college... I'd pick up and go someplace in search of my music - dragging a few friends with me. ;) But of course I'm stubborn as Hell and lacking in self-confidence... one of those Knowing versus Believing issues - as usual... I know I'm beautiful and talented, but I have a difficult time buying into the concept. I'm listening to BROKEN FRAMES by Eyes Set to Kill... somehow I fear I'll end up viewing my life in a similar concept. Left with nothing but memories roaring through my veins - pounding to get out of my skin... I had this dream during my afternoon nap... TALK DIRTY TO ME by Poison, MAKE A MOVE by Icon for Hire, BRIDGES by Courage My Love, BITCH by Meredith Brooks, DIRTY DENIM and 5 O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING by The Donnas were featured in it... Guess that tells you how long this dream was... technically I've been having it for several days now - ever since I was signed out of the E.R. Sarah (aka Frank/Henry/Loki) was a drummer... Jessica (BAM!) was Bass. Mary (F) was Electric and Back Up Vocals. Nitia was the same. and of course I was Lead Singer jumping around like I was High - which is normal when I'm singing. plus there were our usual groupies. :D They consisted of my Aussie Man who flew in, Miss Tasha Ramone who flew in (with several friends for whatever reason,) Glenna who drove down, Ridge, Ross, Robert, Monica, Danielle, Airikah, Nyccie, Shelby, Jessie (Warren,) Stelly, Monique, Kara, AMANDA (all 3 of them,) Mark, Justin (Eakens,) Staci, Eric, Donnie, and a bunch of others who I barely know at all. Needless to say, Eve of Destruction had gotten its act together in my dream and we were doing great locally. With both cover songs AND our original works. *Sigh* Now if only it weren't so unrealistic. I mean, I know if EoD worked hard it would get there - so that isn't unrealistic. The part where 2 chicks from coldwater, 1 from UC, 1 in Bug town, and the other from Battle Creek getting together often enough to MAKE it work - that's improbable. Besides, we all agree and disagree on music like crazy. it'd be totally warped. LOL. as it is - the actual "members" of EoD are as follows: Nitia - vocals Alanda - Vocals Amanda - Model (shut up, I'll call it a membership if I want) Monica - vocals So yeah, it's all fucked up. Pardon my French. Nyccie is also a model on one of the Album Covers... So much for all this. I wish I had the nerve but... I can be bitchy-in your face-honest-take no prisoners, but confidence is key... Clearly mine is locked. :/ Even the trains outside remind me of music - granted they remind me of Jazz, but still. Music is Music. I apologize for all this absent-minded rambling. oh. inspired! if anyone is reading this - comment on the following (if you want to comment on the rest, go ahead, but i Need to Know on this next part) does ORACLE sound like an Album you would grab based on the title?! like i said, inspired. i mean, there are still the other 3 1/2 albums if you'd rather talk about those. yes, regardless of my pessimistic attitude, we have made several albums. they are known as the following: Burn Niet Not Just A Pretty Face Soul of Sorrow Pathetically So Pathetic* After finishing PSP* we will be working on our album, I Saw God(dess) in Concert! Following that, we'll be working on {I'm}Perfection... So it isn't that I desperately need another Album Title, so much as having them helps inspire my lyrical genius. Granted, I also have a number of songs I've been working on or in need of work... I just know sometimes what is missing from it all... Said the girl listening to All Signs Point to Lauderdale at the time. :P I Almost Told You That I Loved You... is now playing instead. Does this point to my mood in anyway? Probably not. The Downfall Of Us All... finally, I love this song! Alright, later today (after I get some SLEEP) I'll be working with Pam on her Yard Sale. I plan to be able to throw that into my work experience somehow on my Applications... Cross your fingers for me. After that I get to meet my NEW case manager. At some point I need to stop by the Library. And apply online for stuff. And call Employment Group to set up an actual interview rather than hope for the Open Interviews. Also need to stop by Bobby's for my mail and then the bank to change my address... need to finish filling out my DHS forms and my Hot Topic Application. and actually type up my Resume (which I know needs the accent on it but Notepad sucks). and go to the mall to hand IN my applications and resumes... talk to jamie about michiganworks because i still haven't done that. drama sucks. do michigan works and DHS caseworker stuff. figure out Sprummer activity issues for July. call student employment. look up student housing though there is next-to-zero in B.C. eventually my cell may get turned back on... but not soon enough. as it is, I am desperately in need of a Girl Chat with Nitia. and my Meimei. though both of them have enough of their own issues without adding mine to the mix. thank goddess for Shelby. I wonder if she even knows how much she's helped me out lately? *sigh* I hope everything goes okay for her today. and I really hope I have a plan by the 15th, because that's my Exit Date... and I still have: No Job No Money No Place No Clue... Wish to goddess I could stop panicking. I swear, if I could just have Nitia and Mandy here with me along with a Karaoke night or something similar... I'd feel so much better. I went to Bible Study on wednesday because I needed out of here so badly. And I realized I wasn't singing with them. I was so quiet it was whacked... I couldn't even sing in the car... certainly not like I used to. I think I may actually be dying inside, even now. "I would die for you, my love. I would lie for you, my love. I would steal for you, my love. I would die for you, my love. My love we'll burn up in the light... Every time I look inside your eyes, you make me wanna die." Make Me Wanna Die by The Pretty Reckless... ======================================= I need to be up in 5 hours, but it isn't going to happen. I may as well stay up instead... "No good ever came from simply wishin'... Break free from your chains," she said... ======================================= above is the first stanza of ORACLE... let me know what you all think. :) ~Raindancer~ 1:53 A.M.